I was cleaning up my room as the 2nd term of law school closes when I realized that it is almost time to change my calendar. Time flew so fast that it blew me as a surprise realizing that 2009 was almost over. Its time to move on now, time to change.
I am counting the days til the 21st, mainly because I am preparing for a huge christmas party for my brods and sisses. Since majority of the program is dependent on my creative prowess, I feel that when this event blows, it would be mostly my fault. No one's gonna blame me though, I like lang to make it really something special. Bigla akong nagpause. 21? anong meron sa 21?
Biglang, "ay." wahahhaa. Opposite what happened last year, on december 21st, today I anticipate it to be extra fun- really fun. Shucks, one year na pala yun. December 21, 2008 was one what I would consider a cloudy day of my life. Last year, I was on a Christmas party with my blockmates in Redbox Greenbelt, almost crying, terribly heartbroken. Kaya naisip ko tuloy, 21 nanaman, Christmas party nanaman, dapat ba akong maganticipate ng something to cry on again? Or.. should I celebrate the day I learned to be alone?
What 2009 was for me was a year of pretty much learning to be on my own. On my own to go shopping, go to church.. Basically, one year, when my heart had to stop beating for another, and had to start beating for itself. The year when everything was about me. For the past years, masyado akong selfless, puro sa iba na lang. Its time to be selfish, I wanted to be happy, and I learned how to make myself one.
What I learned in 2009...
1) Going church alone. - I am one of the people sa mundo na hindi kayang tumagal ng walang kausap. I talk a lot. Everybody knows that. alot-lot. Compared before, when I go to church holding hands with another- (they call it simbang labas, hahaha kasi sa labas lang ng andrews) today going to church is going hand in hand with the lord. 1 hour lang un tuwing Sunday na walang ka-share si God sa time ko. I only talk to him and no one else.
2) Go shopping alone. - Well, ginagawa ko naman sha dati. Pero meron akong kasamang matiyaga magshopping with me before. Now, mas maganda pala talaga na ikaw lang. Mas marami kang nakikitang nice for you. Walang nagccriticize ng super short skirt na napili mo. Walang magsasabing ang baba naman ng neckline yan. You get to choose what you want. I get to spend all my money on me. On shoes and clothes I want. Walang ka share. Yey. hahaha! :))
3.) Tumagal sa bahay. - Funny, on weekends, pagdating ko galing school, minsan ako lang at si ate eden sa bahay. My brother will be with his GF, and my mom will be with his boyfriend. Aasarin ako ni ate eden, so ikaw lang ang andito, halatang single. hahaha. :)) Oo, ako lang, bakit ba? Manonood ako ng tv, magbabasa ako kasi may pasok ako sa corpo bukas! hahahha! :)) I learned how to use my time on things that matters most- like corpo, sleeping and watching the news. hahhaa. :)
4.) Maghibernate- Remember late this year, I decided to hibernate from facebook and everyone else. Final stage na yata yun ng recovery ko. Akalain mong ang tagal ng nakasked nung Christmas Party sa 21 e ngayon ko lang naisip na anniversary ko pala un. hahhaa. :)) Pag weekdays, you can find me lang talaga, sa bahay, in my room or sa study room, or sa school, sa OSA, nanggugulo. Yun lang.
5) Gained and realized that I am loved- by my friends. - One of the special things I learned is that I am very much loved by my friends. Thats everyone- Mga kababata ko, katuray, college, iweb, lawschool friends etc. When I was recovering, lahat sila andun para saken. Isang text ko lang pag naiiyak na ako, they all rush to my side. I did not need anyone else to make me feel loved. Sila lang tama masaya na ako. Happy heart, sabi ni kaye. And though I havent seen most of them for the longest time, love ko yang mga yan no. <3 no doubt about it. And I am very thankful for everyone for being part of the process. Madrama man sha, maraming down times, but nonetheless, you are all still there making me feel na hindi naman talaga ako magisa sa world. There's a lot willing to give me love that I deserve. <3
6) The family. - Madalas kong pasakitin ang ulo ng nanay ko 7 years ago, when I decided to fall in love. Pero now, pag merong tao jan, lagi ko nalang cinoconsider na dapat okay kay mommy. Pag hindi, ayoko na. hahhaha. :)) seriously, I grew to be choosy. Ang unang criteria, responsible ba? tapos meron na akong long list of questions sa sarili ko. Tapos pag merong no na isa, will I be willing to compromise it? Okay lang kaya kay mommy? Kay Fugly? Pag alam kong hindi, ah okay. wag na. Bigyan ko man ng problema ang nanay ko sa ibang bagay na lang, wag na jan. hahaha. :)) (Nagsawa din, hahah) And I grew much closer to my little bro. He used to be hmm, some kinda disappointed with me dahil lagi kaming nagaaway ni mommy. Ngayon, magaway man kami, about ourselves na lang, not about other people. Kaya now, alam ko na rin ung mga iba niyang kalokohan sa buhay which before, he never really shared.
7) Myself.- Hindi na ko selfless. hahaha. selfish na ako. :P Yun lang. I got to discover what I want, what I like, what I am really. I got to have more time to focus on law school, to dream of the future, to establish my goals, on my own. Mas maraming time para maging vain. Yun yun e. hahhaa. :)) And last for this list, pag inlove ka, ang important ay yung masaya ka, hindi yung masaya sha. :) Kasi ikaw un e. :)
So far, yung akala kong impossible na mangyari, ay nangyari. Back a year ago, I thought magiging miserable ako. Sabi ko pa nga, dapat bago mag one year meron na akong bago. Kamusta ka, okay naman palang wala muna. Though I miss having someone on my side, I got pretty much successful on being single. :)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
I pretended to be tough, but it was not enough
I like to rush things. I am impatient. I cannot wait. That is the typical me. I have a pretty weak emotional threshold, I cry easily. I have a tendency to be super sensitive. I hate discomfort, and especially one thing I hate the most, emotional trouble.
I saw some pictures over facebook which I was not supposed to see. Or maybe, I am meant to see, but it was not just the right time. For months now, I choose to be open about my emotional rollercoaster, but yet on some days, I hate it to be showing. On my own, napipikon na din ako for feeling this way many months after, and I especially thought that is quite unfair on my part to be easily forgotten, a few months after a long time of being in a relationship.
On some days I give up and tell myself, "tama na." but on some days, I catch myself driving thinking about all those times, and dropping a tear once again. As much as I wanted to stop thinking about it, I cannot fully. As an elder say it, "tama na yan, move on." It seems so easy to say, but triple time hard to do.
So again for the last attempt, I went off facebook once again. Its actually the easiest solution to everything, taking it out to avoid temptations. Taking it out to avoid his friends. Taking it out to finally put a period on it. FORGET.
So, friends the next time you check your facebook. My name may not appear. Who knows if it would be a permanent or a temporary solution to everything. But as I see it, its the easiest way to get away.
I saw some pictures over facebook which I was not supposed to see. Or maybe, I am meant to see, but it was not just the right time. For months now, I choose to be open about my emotional rollercoaster, but yet on some days, I hate it to be showing. On my own, napipikon na din ako for feeling this way many months after, and I especially thought that is quite unfair on my part to be easily forgotten, a few months after a long time of being in a relationship.
On some days I give up and tell myself, "tama na." but on some days, I catch myself driving thinking about all those times, and dropping a tear once again. As much as I wanted to stop thinking about it, I cannot fully. As an elder say it, "tama na yan, move on." It seems so easy to say, but triple time hard to do.
So again for the last attempt, I went off facebook once again. Its actually the easiest solution to everything, taking it out to avoid temptations. Taking it out to avoid his friends. Taking it out to finally put a period on it. FORGET.
So, friends the next time you check your facebook. My name may not appear. Who knows if it would be a permanent or a temporary solution to everything. But as I see it, its the easiest way to get away.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
disabled on facebook
For a week now, wild ang mood ko. more than usual, mainit ang ulo ko. Madalas naman talagang mainit ang ulo ko, its more often lang talaga ngayon.
I wont name names, but I hate it when some friend of yours puts you in great trouble. Okay so here it goes,
A couple of months ago, upon admission to Lex Centurion Confraternity I was asked to handle a project, to produce Frat Jackets for the Bar. I think it was about June when I was told they are assigning me for that project. I approached one of mom's long time friend, a person virtually I treated as my second mom, she agreed to do it for me. I became somehow excited about it and started searching online for designs, and having them approved by seniors of the organization. Actually, mahirap pala siya, kasi i have to organize everything. From the designs, sizes and all that. So comes to production, nakakainis kasi i did not know how to do it, i mean, i do not know how from scratch it will end up as a jacket, so mom's friend and I agreed that she will be "producing" it.
So ayun, when I left for Bicol last week, most of the "to-be-assembled" jackets were delivered to her. I talked to her and asked if it was feasible that the jackets will be done by Saturday, or at least half of it. She confidently said yes.
Afterwhich, I went on my vacation in Bicol, following up everyday the status of the jackets. I was never informed that there was a delay of some sort, for I had given my 100% confidence that it will be half done on the weekend.
When I came in from Bicol, I went straight from the airport to school and asked mom to check on it, Before lunchtime, I received a disappointing call from my mom saying that out of the 50 jackets I left to have made, only 2 was done.
I almost collapsed. So anong mukhang ihaharap ko sa mga brods and sis ko ngayon? I was not only frustrated, but more of disappointed because of the fact that a person who I thought was my second mother dared to betray me in such note.
Honestly, now, I do not know how I can ever face her. I have too much hate, just like the hate I had months ago. Nabawasan na nga yung sa isa, dumagdag naman ung sa isa. Sometimes, I ask God if this is a way of him to make me think that not all people I love loves me the same as I do to them. I cannot choose who to love, do you? i mean isnt that a feeling that just comes without warning? I wish one day I could comprehend the terrible losses I have this year. And that, one day, these losses would be rewarded by something great.
Nakakainis actually. Sabi ko nga, who else will God take away from my path? Can they just go now? Para hindi recurring yung feeling, para isahan lang.
I do not blame God for inflicting me this pain. I blame the people who choose to go. I just want to ask him why did they cross my path anyways?
Naiirita kasi ako sa facebook. I do not know, maybe its my mood. I so wanted to be away for awhile so that I would think thoroughly of everything that has happened. Pag sinipag ako, e d maglagay ulit. But for now, its better for me to stay away for awhile.
I wont name names, but I hate it when some friend of yours puts you in great trouble. Okay so here it goes,
A couple of months ago, upon admission to Lex Centurion Confraternity I was asked to handle a project, to produce Frat Jackets for the Bar. I think it was about June when I was told they are assigning me for that project. I approached one of mom's long time friend, a person virtually I treated as my second mom, she agreed to do it for me. I became somehow excited about it and started searching online for designs, and having them approved by seniors of the organization. Actually, mahirap pala siya, kasi i have to organize everything. From the designs, sizes and all that. So comes to production, nakakainis kasi i did not know how to do it, i mean, i do not know how from scratch it will end up as a jacket, so mom's friend and I agreed that she will be "producing" it.
So ayun, when I left for Bicol last week, most of the "to-be-assembled" jackets were delivered to her. I talked to her and asked if it was feasible that the jackets will be done by Saturday, or at least half of it. She confidently said yes.
Afterwhich, I went on my vacation in Bicol, following up everyday the status of the jackets. I was never informed that there was a delay of some sort, for I had given my 100% confidence that it will be half done on the weekend.
When I came in from Bicol, I went straight from the airport to school and asked mom to check on it, Before lunchtime, I received a disappointing call from my mom saying that out of the 50 jackets I left to have made, only 2 was done.
I almost collapsed. So anong mukhang ihaharap ko sa mga brods and sis ko ngayon? I was not only frustrated, but more of disappointed because of the fact that a person who I thought was my second mother dared to betray me in such note.
Honestly, now, I do not know how I can ever face her. I have too much hate, just like the hate I had months ago. Nabawasan na nga yung sa isa, dumagdag naman ung sa isa. Sometimes, I ask God if this is a way of him to make me think that not all people I love loves me the same as I do to them. I cannot choose who to love, do you? i mean isnt that a feeling that just comes without warning? I wish one day I could comprehend the terrible losses I have this year. And that, one day, these losses would be rewarded by something great.
Nakakainis actually. Sabi ko nga, who else will God take away from my path? Can they just go now? Para hindi recurring yung feeling, para isahan lang.
I do not blame God for inflicting me this pain. I blame the people who choose to go. I just want to ask him why did they cross my path anyways?
Naiirita kasi ako sa facebook. I do not know, maybe its my mood. I so wanted to be away for awhile so that I would think thoroughly of everything that has happened. Pag sinipag ako, e d maglagay ulit. But for now, its better for me to stay away for awhile.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I love these! My favorites!
I was scanning through my pics and realized that there are alot of them i should love. And I realized that there are a million things I should be thankful for.. ( i actually got this idea from my cousins blog, and its fun. =))
Our last block retreat in Tagaytay. This was when yanni, mia and cris danced wildly while we all sleep because they were too drunk of too much vodka. Freakin memorable.
December 21, 2008. The day na nagbreak kami ni ex. Napansin yata ni Anthony na gloomy ako, kaya nung nagrequest ako ng "knocks me off my feet" e kahit pagod na shang kumanta forever ay pinagbigyan pa din ako. Thats the only moment this day, I smiled na hindi fake. =)
doris' bday. first time I bonded with my blockmates. masaya. promise. hehe. and the first i conquered my fear towards Atty. Diloy. haha. =)
Kaye's car...
Dorothy: Kaye, my earrings fell..
Kaye: E di hanapin mo, kapain mo lng jan. anjan lang yan sa ilalim.
Dorothy: (kapa) aun. Ay, bigas pala.
whahhahah! getting drunk with the katurays during dor's grad!
Karen: Sinong katext mo?
John: Si jandy, bakit selos ka?
Karen: Akin na pahinging number para matext na katabi mo ko ngayon.
bwaahahha!
Reunion nung umuwi si ate jeb from dubai! of course i missed her!
NO need for further explanation. Its just that I caught mom goofin around and dancing. she never dance. and she has a pretty stiff dancing technique.
Just because this is my first valentines (in 7 years) that I am single, and I had theo and reena to be with me in one of my down times. I love you both sooo much! =D
Everyone was suppose to be sad on this picture, but well, i as pasaway, e prumoject pa din. well, well. =) kelangan talaga magpacute ako. =)
Dr. Love (Ryan Ko) was super hyper that night, and he made my day by dancing outrageously with his gf, joplex. ( sayang walang pic yun)
I love this because this is stolen, but its still a nice pic. hahaa. =D
This was taken Dec 18, 2008 when I choose to go to the Katuray Xmas party instead of having dinner with my ex, kasi anniversary namen. Why memorable? I am glad I choose this. =)
Its the darkest.. ever I've been. Errrr...
Bukod sa this event was the reason why I failed civpro, its also the fattest i've been. buti nlng pumayat na ko. hahaha. =))
Sonia! my favorite inaanak! =)
do i need to explain this?? this is freakin hilarious! hahahah!
macky!
hahah!
*awwww* the couple i am praying to be together forever.
i love you, kuya pao and ate selle! =)
rieley! kiss! just because she is really my favorite. how i miss her!
this is when I got really drunk na halos gapangin ko na papuntang kwarto. hahaa. =D
and this is seriously funny! no need for explanations!
waaahhaahh!
puerto 2007
of course i love this.
this is super funny!
gayest ever! =))
iweb office, tycoon center, ortigas.
malamang gusto ko tong pic na to! uber funny! hahahha! =D
another night I got uber drunk.
yes.. tagaytay.
tagaytay 2006
because we were trying to mend things amongst ourselves.
away-away kuno na nauwi sa inuman.
this photo is taken in a place where I cannot be in again for the rest of my life. =)
if you find yourself in these pics, i am pretty sure, special ka din.
imagine, i have a fond memory with you. =)
Our last block retreat in Tagaytay. This was when yanni, mia and cris danced wildly while we all sleep because they were too drunk of too much vodka. Freakin memorable.
December 21, 2008. The day na nagbreak kami ni ex. Napansin yata ni Anthony na gloomy ako, kaya nung nagrequest ako ng "knocks me off my feet" e kahit pagod na shang kumanta forever ay pinagbigyan pa din ako. Thats the only moment this day, I smiled na hindi fake. =)
doris' bday. first time I bonded with my blockmates. masaya. promise. hehe. and the first i conquered my fear towards Atty. Diloy. haha. =)
Kaye's car...Dorothy: Kaye, my earrings fell..
Kaye: E di hanapin mo, kapain mo lng jan. anjan lang yan sa ilalim.
Dorothy: (kapa) aun. Ay, bigas pala.
whahhahah! getting drunk with the katurays during dor's grad!
Karen: Sinong katext mo?
John: Si jandy, bakit selos ka?
Karen: Akin na pahinging number para matext na katabi mo ko ngayon.
bwaahahha!
Reunion nung umuwi si ate jeb from dubai! of course i missed her!
NO need for further explanation. Its just that I caught mom goofin around and dancing. she never dance. and she has a pretty stiff dancing technique.
Just because this is my first valentines (in 7 years) that I am single, and I had theo and reena to be with me in one of my down times. I love you both sooo much! =D
Everyone was suppose to be sad on this picture, but well, i as pasaway, e prumoject pa din. well, well. =) kelangan talaga magpacute ako. =)
Dr. Love (Ryan Ko) was super hyper that night, and he made my day by dancing outrageously with his gf, joplex. ( sayang walang pic yun)
I love this because this is stolen, but its still a nice pic. hahaa. =D
This was taken Dec 18, 2008 when I choose to go to the Katuray Xmas party instead of having dinner with my ex, kasi anniversary namen. Why memorable? I am glad I choose this. =)
Its the darkest.. ever I've been. Errrr...
Bukod sa this event was the reason why I failed civpro, its also the fattest i've been. buti nlng pumayat na ko. hahaha. =))
Sonia! my favorite inaanak! =)
do i need to explain this?? this is freakin hilarious! hahahah!macky!
hahah!
*awwww* the couple i am praying to be together forever.i love you, kuya pao and ate selle! =)
rieley! kiss! just because she is really my favorite. how i miss her!
this is when I got really drunk na halos gapangin ko na papuntang kwarto. hahaa. =D
and this is seriously funny! no need for explanations!
waaahhaahh!
puerto 2007
of course i love this.this is super funny!
gayest ever! =))
iweb office, tycoon center, ortigas.
malamang gusto ko tong pic na to! uber funny! hahahha! =D
another night I got uber drunk.
yes.. tagaytay.
tagaytay 2006
because we were trying to mend things amongst ourselves.away-away kuno na nauwi sa inuman.
this photo is taken in a place where I cannot be in again for the rest of my life. =)if you find yourself in these pics, i am pretty sure, special ka din.
imagine, i have a fond memory with you. =)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Control. Argh.
I usually hate it when I lose control. I do not consider myself a control freak, but its because when I am into something, I usually do that something to the extent of what I can, want and like.
Last night, I slept super late from chatting and typing mom's affidavit. Do not get me wrong, I like typing affidavits and the like, of course, its the profession I chose to pursue. Minsan, nakakainis lang when in the middle of your fuzz in life, someone enters my room and instructs me a million things she should be doing.
Hindi naman sa galit. But I do not really take orders from anyone. The only order I can quite tolerate doing is my mom's and my bros which are not really orders but are lambings. I could not resist it, basta saken, ayoko ng hassle. As long as I want to be doing it, hindi siya hassle, but once you see me doing another thing, DONT, put your work on me. Trust me, I will be hating it.
I am not blaming anyone pero, asar lang, in the first place, the reason why I am typing this affidavits its because of you. And do not give me much of your errands. argh. I have my own.
NEXT thing, Have you ever done something that is a complete opposite of your principles?
I hate a lot of things; smoking, gambling, prostitution and ______. well, hulaan niyo na lang yang blank. For those who knows me, alam niyo yang blank na yan.
In relation to what I was talking about earlier, isa pa to. One of the things that placed a lot of pressure on my shoulders right now is this. The whole sense of this what-not that until now, I do not seem to understand. But I guess I am tied, sa buong buhay ko, there are only 2 things I have done na ayoko talaga; 1) this thing and 2) let go of my 7 years.
Ang hirap pala when you go out of your comfort zone. Hell, nowadays, I can never travel without a car, I must admit. Parang kulang ang buhay ko. It seems like I did not take my bag with me, or left my phone, or went out naked. Basta. Kulang.
Naiirita ako kasi i am slowly getting to go out and try new things. Pero sana I get used to this. Soon. Para naman maging tao na ko. hahhaa. At hindi na island, gaya ng sabi ni momi. haha. =D
Last night, I slept super late from chatting and typing mom's affidavit. Do not get me wrong, I like typing affidavits and the like, of course, its the profession I chose to pursue. Minsan, nakakainis lang when in the middle of your fuzz in life, someone enters my room and instructs me a million things she should be doing.
Hindi naman sa galit. But I do not really take orders from anyone. The only order I can quite tolerate doing is my mom's and my bros which are not really orders but are lambings. I could not resist it, basta saken, ayoko ng hassle. As long as I want to be doing it, hindi siya hassle, but once you see me doing another thing, DONT, put your work on me. Trust me, I will be hating it.
I am not blaming anyone pero, asar lang, in the first place, the reason why I am typing this affidavits its because of you. And do not give me much of your errands. argh. I have my own.
NEXT thing, Have you ever done something that is a complete opposite of your principles?
I hate a lot of things; smoking, gambling, prostitution and ______. well, hulaan niyo na lang yang blank. For those who knows me, alam niyo yang blank na yan.
In relation to what I was talking about earlier, isa pa to. One of the things that placed a lot of pressure on my shoulders right now is this. The whole sense of this what-not that until now, I do not seem to understand. But I guess I am tied, sa buong buhay ko, there are only 2 things I have done na ayoko talaga; 1) this thing and 2) let go of my 7 years.
Ang hirap pala when you go out of your comfort zone. Hell, nowadays, I can never travel without a car, I must admit. Parang kulang ang buhay ko. It seems like I did not take my bag with me, or left my phone, or went out naked. Basta. Kulang.
Naiirita ako kasi i am slowly getting to go out and try new things. Pero sana I get used to this. Soon. Para naman maging tao na ko. hahhaa. At hindi na island, gaya ng sabi ni momi. haha. =D
Friday, June 12, 2009
The clock strikes 6.
Kadalasan, my blogs are written down on facebook. Why? More people read it there. Those who I havent spoken to for a long time gets to be updated through the use of my facebook. I am almost always online there, and that kahit hindi na ako makipagchat or text sa kanila, they get to know whats latest on me.
I choose now to post this here. One because wala naman halos nagbabasa nito, if there would be, only a few friends who gets updated because of their blogspot accounts, and those who I asked to read.
I choose to post this here, bakit? Its an overrated issue, which no matter how I want to get over it, TIME will heal.
Today is his niece's birthday. For awhile, rieley became one of my favorites. Yaya niya ako halos pag weekends. Taga patulog, paligo, padede, bantay etc. I miss her actually. At kahit sobrang gusto kong pumunta sa birthday ni rieley at invited naman ako, i choose not to, to avoid issues.
Somehow its true, when the pain starts to fade, you start to think about a million sort of things. Your life, and how it is different from before. Malaki siya actually, but hindi ko maideny sa sarili ko, na tanga pa din ako. and yes, the feeling does not go that easily.
Napapatanong pa din ako sa sarili ko, bakit? It seems that I do not get satisfied everytime I ask that, kasi hindi bakit ang sinasagot niya saken, kundi paano. Paano? He just fell out of love and thats it. I want to find out the reason why, I know this is the reason why until this very moment, hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin. I am too afraid I'll cry, I am too afraid I will miss him more. I am too afraid that I will start blaming myself again for my failed 7 year relationship.
7 freaking years. 7 years that seems so freakin hard to forget.
I went to Valero this afternoon to have a good study. I stood in front of 7-11 across OT bar, where he stood years ago under the rain waiting for me to go home with him. I did not, I was too engrossed with the fun times I had with my friends, that I forgot there was him caring for me too much that I have hurted him. Makasalanan ang Antel para saken, it is because this was the time I started shaking our relationship down. I was too selfish to think na may nagaantay, nagmamahal, nagmamalasakit.
Before I went home, I took a stop at a familiar street down in San Dionisio. I had no intentions of going down, gusto ko lang sumilip, I wanted to see even just a figure of him on the street. Wala, malinis ang el fili, walang tao sa labas ng mga bahay. Unlike during afternoons, where kids play at the middle of the narrow street, and some old folks sitting on benches, talking about every person who passes by infront of them.
Namimiss ko na din ang amoy. May nakasalubong pa akong amoy downy. Amoy niya un e. Kahit bulgari blue pag naamoy ko sa kapatid ko para akong nagfflash back. Pabango niya yun, sa loob loob ko lang.
Namiss ko rin yung dati. When pag may occassion I was obliged to come. Super obliged. Kahit namatay yata ang kuko ng kapitbahay niya ay kailangan kong pumunta. I remembered once I failed to go to his father's birthday. Matagal niyang dinamdam yun. Naging issue pa nga yun e. Gusto niya lagi akong present, lagi akong andun. Pag wala ako namimiss niya ako.
So on my way home, I started recalling the old times. When I hangout in his room doing nothing, but exchanging stories with him. Talking about issues, problems and the like. When he used to begged me to stay para makinood ng dvd sa kanila. When he used to ask me to go with him to a friend's birthday. When he used to kulit me to go home for out of the country kasi he missed me. Sayang, I did not save any of his messages. I deleted them all. Sana pala nagtira ako.
Alam ko one day, I will forget how it feels to be with him. Oo naman, nakakamiss lang. Sa totoo lang, natatakot din ako na wala na akong makikitang ganung chemistry with him. Mahirap kasi talaga maghanap ng ganun. One reason why inspite of and despite of, I choose to remain single. It is not because I compare him to all the other guys, it is just because I want to have the same chemistry. Yung kahit wala kaming ginagawa, nakatitig lang sa kawalan, pero alam mo na yung kahawak kamay mo, anjan parati para sayo. Yung katabi mo best friend mo, na kahit hibla ng buhok mo kilala ka. Nakatawa, sa tingin ko after 6 months of being away from him after 7 years, I still know what he smells like, his room looks like, how fat his cheeks are, his scar on his arm. Funny kasi kahit sa pics ni rieley kahit kamay lang, I can tell if its him, kahit legs lang nasasabi ko kung siya o hindi siya. Namimiss ko yung ganun, yung alam ko kung anong magiging reaction niya sa bawat bagay na makikita at maririnig niya.
Kaya nga pinili ko din na hindi magpakita sa birthday ni rieley, kasi alam ko na pagdating ko dun, wala din naman akong kausap, siyempre hindi naman kami magpapansinan.
I have lots of questions in my mind actually that I choose also to remain silent about it. Kung tapos na, tapos na. Bahala na si Lord. Let destiny takes it course. Ang alam ko lang, one reason why kahit ang daming nangyari hindi ko magawang magalit, its because my 7 years with him is one of the greatest, marami talaga akong natutunan. and hating him would make me hate myself. Kasi yung 7 years na yun, dun ako naging stronger person, natutong magmahal, naging mas open sa iba, naging generous, naging special. and yes, kahit anong mangyari in the future its one of the times I was loved and learned how to love. Talaga naman, kahit yata sa pagtanda ko, all those memories, and him, siguro will always have a special place in my heart.
amen. hehe. =P
I choose now to post this here. One because wala naman halos nagbabasa nito, if there would be, only a few friends who gets updated because of their blogspot accounts, and those who I asked to read.
I choose to post this here, bakit? Its an overrated issue, which no matter how I want to get over it, TIME will heal.
Today is his niece's birthday. For awhile, rieley became one of my favorites. Yaya niya ako halos pag weekends. Taga patulog, paligo, padede, bantay etc. I miss her actually. At kahit sobrang gusto kong pumunta sa birthday ni rieley at invited naman ako, i choose not to, to avoid issues.
Somehow its true, when the pain starts to fade, you start to think about a million sort of things. Your life, and how it is different from before. Malaki siya actually, but hindi ko maideny sa sarili ko, na tanga pa din ako. and yes, the feeling does not go that easily.
Napapatanong pa din ako sa sarili ko, bakit? It seems that I do not get satisfied everytime I ask that, kasi hindi bakit ang sinasagot niya saken, kundi paano. Paano? He just fell out of love and thats it. I want to find out the reason why, I know this is the reason why until this very moment, hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin. I am too afraid I'll cry, I am too afraid I will miss him more. I am too afraid that I will start blaming myself again for my failed 7 year relationship.
7 freaking years. 7 years that seems so freakin hard to forget.
I went to Valero this afternoon to have a good study. I stood in front of 7-11 across OT bar, where he stood years ago under the rain waiting for me to go home with him. I did not, I was too engrossed with the fun times I had with my friends, that I forgot there was him caring for me too much that I have hurted him. Makasalanan ang Antel para saken, it is because this was the time I started shaking our relationship down. I was too selfish to think na may nagaantay, nagmamahal, nagmamalasakit.
Before I went home, I took a stop at a familiar street down in San Dionisio. I had no intentions of going down, gusto ko lang sumilip, I wanted to see even just a figure of him on the street. Wala, malinis ang el fili, walang tao sa labas ng mga bahay. Unlike during afternoons, where kids play at the middle of the narrow street, and some old folks sitting on benches, talking about every person who passes by infront of them.
Namimiss ko na din ang amoy. May nakasalubong pa akong amoy downy. Amoy niya un e. Kahit bulgari blue pag naamoy ko sa kapatid ko para akong nagfflash back. Pabango niya yun, sa loob loob ko lang.
Namiss ko rin yung dati. When pag may occassion I was obliged to come. Super obliged. Kahit namatay yata ang kuko ng kapitbahay niya ay kailangan kong pumunta. I remembered once I failed to go to his father's birthday. Matagal niyang dinamdam yun. Naging issue pa nga yun e. Gusto niya lagi akong present, lagi akong andun. Pag wala ako namimiss niya ako.
So on my way home, I started recalling the old times. When I hangout in his room doing nothing, but exchanging stories with him. Talking about issues, problems and the like. When he used to begged me to stay para makinood ng dvd sa kanila. When he used to ask me to go with him to a friend's birthday. When he used to kulit me to go home for out of the country kasi he missed me. Sayang, I did not save any of his messages. I deleted them all. Sana pala nagtira ako.
Alam ko one day, I will forget how it feels to be with him. Oo naman, nakakamiss lang. Sa totoo lang, natatakot din ako na wala na akong makikitang ganung chemistry with him. Mahirap kasi talaga maghanap ng ganun. One reason why inspite of and despite of, I choose to remain single. It is not because I compare him to all the other guys, it is just because I want to have the same chemistry. Yung kahit wala kaming ginagawa, nakatitig lang sa kawalan, pero alam mo na yung kahawak kamay mo, anjan parati para sayo. Yung katabi mo best friend mo, na kahit hibla ng buhok mo kilala ka. Nakatawa, sa tingin ko after 6 months of being away from him after 7 years, I still know what he smells like, his room looks like, how fat his cheeks are, his scar on his arm. Funny kasi kahit sa pics ni rieley kahit kamay lang, I can tell if its him, kahit legs lang nasasabi ko kung siya o hindi siya. Namimiss ko yung ganun, yung alam ko kung anong magiging reaction niya sa bawat bagay na makikita at maririnig niya.
Kaya nga pinili ko din na hindi magpakita sa birthday ni rieley, kasi alam ko na pagdating ko dun, wala din naman akong kausap, siyempre hindi naman kami magpapansinan.
I have lots of questions in my mind actually that I choose also to remain silent about it. Kung tapos na, tapos na. Bahala na si Lord. Let destiny takes it course. Ang alam ko lang, one reason why kahit ang daming nangyari hindi ko magawang magalit, its because my 7 years with him is one of the greatest, marami talaga akong natutunan. and hating him would make me hate myself. Kasi yung 7 years na yun, dun ako naging stronger person, natutong magmahal, naging mas open sa iba, naging generous, naging special. and yes, kahit anong mangyari in the future its one of the times I was loved and learned how to love. Talaga naman, kahit yata sa pagtanda ko, all those memories, and him, siguro will always have a special place in my heart.
amen. hehe. =P
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Why sometimes I hate driving
This week was probably a terrible week for drivers, (especially those like me, terribly impatient) because of the loads of freakin traffic and numerous road holes almost freakin everywhere. Vero came in last week for the funeral of her grandpop and is bound for canada tomorrow, she have to meet lots of people in such a short time (extend extend!) I volunteered to drive her to ADMU to meet JP's friend who works in ADMU, going there did not take much long, hapon pa kasi, the bad thing was it rained hard in the North, and time was running out for me, we left ADMU at 5:30pm, and the bad news is I have to get to alabang at 7pm which unfortunately, at around 9pm that friday, I was in SShway calling all the saints, until I became really impatient, I started shouting and cursing much inside my car.
The next day, I almost had to take a boat to school as it was watery down in Manila. I left rather early because I knew I will be having this problem, true enough, it was hell watery. Good thing Manila, on a Saturday Morning is the sweetest, from Paranaque to Manila is barely 30 minutes.
Sunday was again a struggle, to get out of bed. It was super cold and I did not want to get up really, if I was not just thinking I have labor class with Atty. Diloy, I could have covered my face with a pillow and snooze some more.
I was thinking on these instances, if I was commuting, I could have done something to make my travel faster. Sometimes, I think I miss having to ride MRTs going places, besides I dont have to find a suitable parking, I will just stand there, hold on to a pole, and daydream about that hottie a few seats away from me. Or riding a jeep, where I can hear a couple beside me arguing where they'd be having dinner, and on cases wherein there is freaking heavy traffic, I can take an easier route, just like the MRT, where the travel from Taft to the North is barely an hour. Try mong magcar, it will take you 3 hours to Novaliches. Sa MRT, fast lang.
Lastly, tomorrow, Ihahatid ko si Vero sa airport, with gail and rosch. Back 2006, si rosch ang nagdrive kay vero to the airport, kaya hindi niya nahatid si momi vero sa mismong departure area kasi seconds lang dun e. Now, ako naman, so parang hindi ko mahahatid si momi vero until dun sa departure area. Punyeta, ipapark ko talaga, walang baba, magpapark ako. hahahha!
The next day, I almost had to take a boat to school as it was watery down in Manila. I left rather early because I knew I will be having this problem, true enough, it was hell watery. Good thing Manila, on a Saturday Morning is the sweetest, from Paranaque to Manila is barely 30 minutes.
Sunday was again a struggle, to get out of bed. It was super cold and I did not want to get up really, if I was not just thinking I have labor class with Atty. Diloy, I could have covered my face with a pillow and snooze some more.
I was thinking on these instances, if I was commuting, I could have done something to make my travel faster. Sometimes, I think I miss having to ride MRTs going places, besides I dont have to find a suitable parking, I will just stand there, hold on to a pole, and daydream about that hottie a few seats away from me. Or riding a jeep, where I can hear a couple beside me arguing where they'd be having dinner, and on cases wherein there is freaking heavy traffic, I can take an easier route, just like the MRT, where the travel from Taft to the North is barely an hour. Try mong magcar, it will take you 3 hours to Novaliches. Sa MRT, fast lang.
Lastly, tomorrow, Ihahatid ko si Vero sa airport, with gail and rosch. Back 2006, si rosch ang nagdrive kay vero to the airport, kaya hindi niya nahatid si momi vero sa mismong departure area kasi seconds lang dun e. Now, ako naman, so parang hindi ko mahahatid si momi vero until dun sa departure area. Punyeta, ipapark ko talaga, walang baba, magpapark ako. hahahha!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The weekend
Yes, it was a typical weekday. Driver ako ng momi ko. I went to my weekly beauty session. Mukha nanamang naagnas ang face ko because I am undergoing skin peeling, at as usual, updates with my friends. Sabi nga nila, i have been present much since December.
Well hopefully, you dont get tired of my presence.
So, I got an unexpected call to one of my friends, my mommy (marami akong mommy-friends) came in from Canada a few days ago. And yes, despite of my fresh from derma face and the A(H1N1) scare, i went right to where she is, unfortunately, in holy trinity.
Sabi nga ni rosch, it may be for the wrong reason, but I am more than glad that she is here. She never changed, i hugged her super tight since I havent seen her for years. I used to be with her everyday, kahit hanggang pag-uwi, I am one of the dakilang tambays sa bahay niya, and I have missed this familiar hug talaga. I am sure you know how it is, when one of your closest friends return from a semi-alienation mode, super super happy.
So, friday, dahil hindi ako nakapagaral ng thursday because of this news, I had to lock myself for awhile sa room ko, and hit the books. Though I was very jealous, that I did not get to chika with may and mia, who also came the day after the breaking news.
Saturday, I have to admit, I have been looking forward to see a movie all week, I went frustrated when I wasnt able to watch angels and demons with my favorite gay friend. Theo and I went to a little off road trip to Gateway, wherein which we were toured by one of my good friends, thanks to him, hindi naman kami nawala sa araneta center. And so, I went to meet my good friend for a movie, funny, it was like reminiscing our good ol glorietta-greenbelt days back 3 years ago. We did miss makati, mukha nga, since we stayed until the mall closed.
So, sa lahat ng araw ng weekend na to ay kasama ko si gail. (Gail, sawa na ko sau. ahhaha!) Kahit may ibang kasama, anjan pa din sha. (haha, ikaw na ang bagong EPAL, nde na si rosch haha)
Yesterday was again mommy's day. It was lucky for me to know na wala palang kaming telecoms as I was planning to attend mommy's grandpops internment. Fun nman, unlike the rest of the week na puro few hours lang kami ni gail magkasama, which is bitin, this time we spent the whole day together. It was more than okay, we know we were there for mommy, and ang saya pala nung feeling na ganun, na alam mo na, one of your friends, who feels really bad, but pag nakita ka niya, she'll put a smile on her face, and would always thank you for being there.
Kaya sha semi-awesome for me. It feels so good to make other people happy. Imagine, nung sat, I was with a friend whose dad just died a week ago, medjo kailangan niya ng good time, so andun ako, and mommy, who also lost a loved one, kailangan niya ng family, so I was also there, to be her family.
Wala lang. Ang saya to make other people smile by just being there. =)
And nga pla, katext ko ulit si its complicated kgbe, that made the weekend even better. =P
Well hopefully, you dont get tired of my presence.
So, I got an unexpected call to one of my friends, my mommy (marami akong mommy-friends) came in from Canada a few days ago. And yes, despite of my fresh from derma face and the A(H1N1) scare, i went right to where she is, unfortunately, in holy trinity.
Sabi nga ni rosch, it may be for the wrong reason, but I am more than glad that she is here. She never changed, i hugged her super tight since I havent seen her for years. I used to be with her everyday, kahit hanggang pag-uwi, I am one of the dakilang tambays sa bahay niya, and I have missed this familiar hug talaga. I am sure you know how it is, when one of your closest friends return from a semi-alienation mode, super super happy.
So, friday, dahil hindi ako nakapagaral ng thursday because of this news, I had to lock myself for awhile sa room ko, and hit the books. Though I was very jealous, that I did not get to chika with may and mia, who also came the day after the breaking news.
Saturday, I have to admit, I have been looking forward to see a movie all week, I went frustrated when I wasnt able to watch angels and demons with my favorite gay friend. Theo and I went to a little off road trip to Gateway, wherein which we were toured by one of my good friends, thanks to him, hindi naman kami nawala sa araneta center. And so, I went to meet my good friend for a movie, funny, it was like reminiscing our good ol glorietta-greenbelt days back 3 years ago. We did miss makati, mukha nga, since we stayed until the mall closed.
So, sa lahat ng araw ng weekend na to ay kasama ko si gail. (Gail, sawa na ko sau. ahhaha!) Kahit may ibang kasama, anjan pa din sha. (haha, ikaw na ang bagong EPAL, nde na si rosch haha)
Yesterday was again mommy's day. It was lucky for me to know na wala palang kaming telecoms as I was planning to attend mommy's grandpops internment. Fun nman, unlike the rest of the week na puro few hours lang kami ni gail magkasama, which is bitin, this time we spent the whole day together. It was more than okay, we know we were there for mommy, and ang saya pala nung feeling na ganun, na alam mo na, one of your friends, who feels really bad, but pag nakita ka niya, she'll put a smile on her face, and would always thank you for being there.
Kaya sha semi-awesome for me. It feels so good to make other people happy. Imagine, nung sat, I was with a friend whose dad just died a week ago, medjo kailangan niya ng good time, so andun ako, and mommy, who also lost a loved one, kailangan niya ng family, so I was also there, to be her family.
Wala lang. Ang saya to make other people smile by just being there. =)
And nga pla, katext ko ulit si its complicated kgbe, that made the weekend even better. =P
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wrong!
Yesterday, I received a message from a familiar name who i usually confide on back months ago. I sorta confide to him since he seems to be familiar with the scenario, and yes, literally he somehow knew both sides of the story. For long, I put most of the people on my list on permanent offline mode until I got a-ok again, and so I shifted again to my regular online stat and thus receiving this message.
S: Hello.
I stared long to this message. Yes it is all behind me now, but ow, his name makes me chill. Think edce, think. After I replied to a message I have been waiting for in my cellfone, and after few minutes of talking to Theo on the phone, I finally decided to reply.
E: hello din.
B: Kamusta na?
E: Ok naman. I was speaking kasi to a friend over the phone.
B: Naks, lovelife.
Eto na. Back months ago, this is the question he always asks me that I try to shove off.
B: May boyfriend ka na?
Bingo. Ayoko ng question na to e. Its not that I dont want to talk about it, its more of I dont want to tackle much of it with him.
E: Malapit na.
Hello. Kahit hindi pa talaga since I dont want him asking anymore questions on why, where, when or how, i rather answer this with a white lie.
B: Anong number mong bago?
Patay. I wasnt able to anticipate this. Again, back months ago, I decided not to send to some people my new number. Iwas gulo. Tahimik ang buhay. And he was one of them. But then, sige na nga, just in case I'll need him in the future.
E: 09151863515
Lech.
Anyway, so he still texted me last night, which I never did reply. Sana makaramdam naman sha no. Dati pa to e. Way before pa. He knows naman, but being makulit as he is, I hope ngayon mafeel niya na hindi ko sha feel kausap. Sorry. hehe. Scary.
S: Hello.
I stared long to this message. Yes it is all behind me now, but ow, his name makes me chill. Think edce, think. After I replied to a message I have been waiting for in my cellfone, and after few minutes of talking to Theo on the phone, I finally decided to reply.
E: hello din.
B: Kamusta na?
E: Ok naman. I was speaking kasi to a friend over the phone.
B: Naks, lovelife.
Eto na. Back months ago, this is the question he always asks me that I try to shove off.
B: May boyfriend ka na?
Bingo. Ayoko ng question na to e. Its not that I dont want to talk about it, its more of I dont want to tackle much of it with him.
E: Malapit na.
Hello. Kahit hindi pa talaga since I dont want him asking anymore questions on why, where, when or how, i rather answer this with a white lie.
B: Anong number mong bago?
Patay. I wasnt able to anticipate this. Again, back months ago, I decided not to send to some people my new number. Iwas gulo. Tahimik ang buhay. And he was one of them. But then, sige na nga, just in case I'll need him in the future.
E: 09151863515
Lech.
Anyway, so he still texted me last night, which I never did reply. Sana makaramdam naman sha no. Dati pa to e. Way before pa. He knows naman, but being makulit as he is, I hope ngayon mafeel niya na hindi ko sha feel kausap. Sorry. hehe. Scary.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Its complicated
My weekend was a blast, o yes. But this weekend bore some complications as well, that kept me thinking.. too much.
First, I received a forwarded message from someone who I sorta had a crush on. I must admit, of course, may kilig factor. And hindi pa dun nagstop. I received another forwarded message, this time it was a joke, which is actually a pick-up line that boys use to flirt with girls. On the second message, I replied.
"Kamusta?"
Thus, he instantly replied.
"Ok naman. Ikaw?"
After a few messages, he asked if he can go to bed because he drank some meds that can make him drowsy. And then, the next day, I received another forwarded message, and this time, I let it pass.
Wondering why I let this pass?
Its complicated. Really. Really.
Promise, this would be much complicated than the last one.
Basta. Hahaha. =P
First, I received a forwarded message from someone who I sorta had a crush on. I must admit, of course, may kilig factor. And hindi pa dun nagstop. I received another forwarded message, this time it was a joke, which is actually a pick-up line that boys use to flirt with girls. On the second message, I replied.
"Kamusta?"
Thus, he instantly replied.
"Ok naman. Ikaw?"
After a few messages, he asked if he can go to bed because he drank some meds that can make him drowsy. And then, the next day, I received another forwarded message, and this time, I let it pass.
Wondering why I let this pass?
Its complicated. Really. Really.
Promise, this would be much complicated than the last one.
Basta. Hahaha. =P
Friday, May 8, 2009
EDCE ALLANIGUE temporarily disconnected from the world.
I had lots of mishaps this week and so from this day on, until I am fully healed, I will be temporarily disconnected from any of my accounts. The only thing I will be checking on from this point on is my email, of course.
Today, I broke a promise to myself never to shed another tear. And yet, tonight, I should once again some of it. So, in order for me to go through this smoothly, I decided to temporarily disconnect myself to the world until I am well and good. You'll know it anyways, as soon as I get online you'll know I am done. Gaad, until I can still read and see some stuff, I would not be fully healed.
SOOoo.. there, for anything, you guys can always text me at 09151863515. I will be sending you my sun number, (for sun people) as soon as I get my phone on monday. Including my ym will be off so just either email me, or text me. For those who havent added me on ym, its tootsie_edce@yahoo.com.
I really need this, man. I dont want another chowking-santana session coming, or a starbucks session. Hopefully after this, I'll be a new person.
See you.
Today, I broke a promise to myself never to shed another tear. And yet, tonight, I should once again some of it. So, in order for me to go through this smoothly, I decided to temporarily disconnect myself to the world until I am well and good. You'll know it anyways, as soon as I get online you'll know I am done. Gaad, until I can still read and see some stuff, I would not be fully healed.
SOOoo.. there, for anything, you guys can always text me at 09151863515. I will be sending you my sun number, (for sun people) as soon as I get my phone on monday. Including my ym will be off so just either email me, or text me. For those who havent added me on ym, its tootsie_edce@yahoo.com.
I really need this, man. I dont want another chowking-santana session coming, or a starbucks session. Hopefully after this, I'll be a new person.
See you.
Monday, May 4, 2009
On marriage and whatnots
Yesterday, I went malling with my bro and mom in our usual spot. (guess where? ahahha, if you know me much you'll get it. hahah) Since apparently, this mall is on sale, but we didnt get much, I almost forgot to buy a wedding present for one of my long lost girlfriends back in college. Its her wedding on the 9th, and much to my surprise, I did not know it was pretty hard to get one of your girlfriends a wedding present.
I first looked at the bridal registry and find it somehow weird that they werent there, but before I cashed out the gift I finally saw there name on the other board which I did not look on. (hahah) Going back, I say its hard to find a wedding present for your girlfriend since I somehow find it hard to believe that she's getting married, yes, we are 25, but its still weird.. everything seems like it was only yesterday.
FYI, she is my first girlfriend to be married, and the next thing I'll know, I'll be buying gifts for her daughter or son, a year from now. Though we havent talked for quite a while now, its hard to part ways with a good friend, though I know she'll always be there, but the fact that on girly night outs and on christmas parties, she wont always be present. I am happy for her, but I think its just weird because she's the first. { =) }
And so, hey! if anyone of my favorite girls is getting married so, just tell me way ahead, ok? I'll need some adjustment period. ahhaha!
I first looked at the bridal registry and find it somehow weird that they werent there, but before I cashed out the gift I finally saw there name on the other board which I did not look on. (hahah) Going back, I say its hard to find a wedding present for your girlfriend since I somehow find it hard to believe that she's getting married, yes, we are 25, but its still weird.. everything seems like it was only yesterday.
FYI, she is my first girlfriend to be married, and the next thing I'll know, I'll be buying gifts for her daughter or son, a year from now. Though we havent talked for quite a while now, its hard to part ways with a good friend, though I know she'll always be there, but the fact that on girly night outs and on christmas parties, she wont always be present. I am happy for her, but I think its just weird because she's the first. { =) }
And so, hey! if anyone of my favorite girls is getting married so, just tell me way ahead, ok? I'll need some adjustment period. ahhaha!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Why, o why? hahha
Sometimes, no matter how we try to forgive and forget what happened in the past, it seems to haunt and taunt us once in awhile.
Some of you have read previous posts of my horrific past. I may say horrific because never am I going to look that way again. Its pathetic, miserable and damaging, that not in anyway can i describe or measure how much it has been for me.
And one day it was all over and I have to move on.
I definitely I have finally moved on. Though once in awhile i do remember how "ouch" it was, but one thing that often reminds me of that fateful event, is a strange ID adds me up in YM. If you have added me up in ym, and somehow, you are using another name other than yours, I probably have ignored you. As most of you know, couple of months ago, someone posted my personal effects over friendster, the worst thing of that is, the post seems to be a person offering a sexual service. O no, I am far from being that kind of girl, or the girl who posted such. The grammar was bad, my surname was misspelled and the primary photo isnt even me.
Moving on, I still hate that very time and swear that whoever did that shall burn in hell, will have sore warts all over her body and shall never be successful in his/her life, and will be a freakin taong grasa.
OK, so this is how much I hate the person who did this. Because its cowardly, idiotic, barbaric and it can only be done by someone really damn stupid.
Well, for those who ask why my status over YM is such, this is the reason. And i swear to God, failure, hurt and evil shall come to those who dare hurt me. Especially those who did try to murder my reputation. I dare to conclude, you werent really successful. I'm still a highly classy law student, and you are still a pathetic poor little thing.
Want a sample? =)
Some of you have read previous posts of my horrific past. I may say horrific because never am I going to look that way again. Its pathetic, miserable and damaging, that not in anyway can i describe or measure how much it has been for me.
And one day it was all over and I have to move on.
I definitely I have finally moved on. Though once in awhile i do remember how "ouch" it was, but one thing that often reminds me of that fateful event, is a strange ID adds me up in YM. If you have added me up in ym, and somehow, you are using another name other than yours, I probably have ignored you. As most of you know, couple of months ago, someone posted my personal effects over friendster, the worst thing of that is, the post seems to be a person offering a sexual service. O no, I am far from being that kind of girl, or the girl who posted such. The grammar was bad, my surname was misspelled and the primary photo isnt even me.
Moving on, I still hate that very time and swear that whoever did that shall burn in hell, will have sore warts all over her body and shall never be successful in his/her life, and will be a freakin taong grasa.
OK, so this is how much I hate the person who did this. Because its cowardly, idiotic, barbaric and it can only be done by someone really damn stupid.
Well, for those who ask why my status over YM is such, this is the reason. And i swear to God, failure, hurt and evil shall come to those who dare hurt me. Especially those who did try to murder my reputation. I dare to conclude, you werent really successful. I'm still a highly classy law student, and you are still a pathetic poor little thing.
Want a sample? =)
Monday, April 27, 2009
The end is near
I have four days left until vaca is finally over. Today my goal is to finish watching the nanny series over youtube, and if I still have time, finish what dvd I havent watched since my brother kept buying dvds during my finals. Imagine, I was so inggit that he was watching dvds while I desperately needed to finish a whole book about civil procedure.
Its been quite awhile since I have not lived like this, no stress, no pressure, no attachments. Saturday night, I partied so hard that though I can remember everything that had happened, I know once again I was semi-guilty of DUI, I had a minor stomach ache during the morning because of alcohol. I swear the vodka sprite I drank was 70% vodka and only 30% sprite, that's why after 2 glasses, my freakin stomach hurt a bit and I was a little drowsy, because of the drink and the disco lights.
I finally saw the world again. Though walang masyadong guapo, at puro bata, I missed the old life I left behind way back, 7 years ago. When all I did was date and party, where my friends are my primary source of my inspiration and when I laughed the best and the hardest. =)
More on my vaca, I had awesome fun with Bicol with the best of my cousins. They told me lots about what they thought way before and how glad I have gotten over with it. Though it took sometime though, but relatively, I can project a smile up to my ears now, no kidding, hindi plastic. And for the longest time, nobody rushed me to go back to Manila, ako na nga lang ang nagsawa kasi walang masyadong gimikan dun, and walang guapo (haha) and I do not have to go to centro and call somebody from home because he was made tampo because I had to adjust my trip back home.
I had dinner with my best law school buds, ade and she. We havent seen ade for a long time, we had dinner in a posh resto, went walking around rockwell and went guapo hunting too. Without any hangups.
Best of all, I now have the best relations with my mom and bro. My bro seldom leaves the house without me, (except now he is in pansol with his friends) I suddenly appreciated the relationship I had with my family, which I almost lost because of some conflict. Though I still often have arguments with mom about little things, and now for the longest time din, nakakapagpaalam na ako ng legal on where I wanted to go and who I am with.
Vacation lang pala ang kailangan ko talaga e. And now vaca is over, I am off to a new start. On my third year in law school. Yey! Hindi ko nahalata, 2 years na lang pla, I have an LLB degree na. =)
Its been quite awhile since I have not lived like this, no stress, no pressure, no attachments. Saturday night, I partied so hard that though I can remember everything that had happened, I know once again I was semi-guilty of DUI, I had a minor stomach ache during the morning because of alcohol. I swear the vodka sprite I drank was 70% vodka and only 30% sprite, that's why after 2 glasses, my freakin stomach hurt a bit and I was a little drowsy, because of the drink and the disco lights.
I finally saw the world again. Though walang masyadong guapo, at puro bata, I missed the old life I left behind way back, 7 years ago. When all I did was date and party, where my friends are my primary source of my inspiration and when I laughed the best and the hardest. =)
More on my vaca, I had awesome fun with Bicol with the best of my cousins. They told me lots about what they thought way before and how glad I have gotten over with it. Though it took sometime though, but relatively, I can project a smile up to my ears now, no kidding, hindi plastic. And for the longest time, nobody rushed me to go back to Manila, ako na nga lang ang nagsawa kasi walang masyadong gimikan dun, and walang guapo (haha) and I do not have to go to centro and call somebody from home because he was made tampo because I had to adjust my trip back home.
I had dinner with my best law school buds, ade and she. We havent seen ade for a long time, we had dinner in a posh resto, went walking around rockwell and went guapo hunting too. Without any hangups.
Best of all, I now have the best relations with my mom and bro. My bro seldom leaves the house without me, (except now he is in pansol with his friends) I suddenly appreciated the relationship I had with my family, which I almost lost because of some conflict. Though I still often have arguments with mom about little things, and now for the longest time din, nakakapagpaalam na ako ng legal on where I wanted to go and who I am with.
Vacation lang pala ang kailangan ko talaga e. And now vaca is over, I am off to a new start. On my third year in law school. Yey! Hindi ko nahalata, 2 years na lang pla, I have an LLB degree na. =)
Monday, April 20, 2009
The irony of things
My day was full of irony. hehe. Nakakainis minsan when you avoid to see or feel something yet you still get to see them, or when you not expect to see or feel something yet you still do because of.. yes, irony.
(1) I asked She to come with me to enroll in Are this afternoon. She is one of Atty. Porfi's fave (this was claimed by Atty. Porfi himself). I was soo afraid to enroll since I had sabit last semester. We went both today and Saturday, unfortunately last sat, it was Are Law Graduation, so Atty. Porfi was not there. Funny, because today naman, I was expecting Atty. Porfi, malakas ang backup ko, only to see it was Atty. Dave Ballesteros who will do the evaluation, so dapat pala si Anthony ang sinama ko at hindi si she.
(2) She and I were walking down the hallway when I suddenly smell the eewwie smell of dog food. Then when I came home, our house maid told me that chiqui does not have enough food anymore. (Chiqui is my dog)
(3) She and I decided to go to Rockwell para magboy hunting. We were so bored with our lives since it was still vaca, and we are both single (sabi ni she, de facto single lang sha, pero anjan pa din ang prinsipe ng buhay nya, anyway) as we were passing through ayala, we remembered ade and jer being in ayala as well, so we called them and ade (only) decided to meet up with us in glo 4. Hindi pala boys ang nahanap namen, si ade lang pala.
(4) Back when Ade was still in Arellano, she had a rocky relationship with his bf, and She and I had a blossoming romance with our better halves, ngayon baliktad na yata. Si ade na ang may blossoming lovelife, kami ni she, its complicated pa din.
(5) After parking my car at Basement 2 of Rockwell, nagulat ako na pagbaba ko ng car nakita ko yung doctor na sinasabi ni Ate Karen na taga-gatchalian the other night. Namukaan ko sha agad, plus I can recognize him because he was wearing his white coat still, with the MMC logo on it. The other night, she was building this guy up for me, at nagulat ako na he was parked right next to my car.
(6) I am not really sure if Cantinetta is really an italian resto, it seems to me though but the irony in this is that their pasta selection, i'd say, its not that good.
(7) On my way home, a song that should not be heard by me was played on the radio. Ang weird talaga nitong song na to, kasi months ago, twice ko shang hindi sinasadyang marinig, one in SM and one in S&R. Nakakainis, and kanina, i heard it nanaman. Funny si God, nanadya para daw masanay ako. haha.
(8) The other night was much eerie, it was 3am and I was driving home, almost tipsy of laughter, coffee and beer, when I heard over AM ( I was in AM kasi I was listening to the news about Ted Failon) when the DJ announces over the radio that someone wants to greet this certain guy, who exactly has the same name as him. hahha. natawa ako, at ang ironic dun, it was Saturday, 3am, April 18, 2009.
Sometimes, I am not really sure if fate is playing tricks on me wanting me to notice these things so I can get used to it being there. Kumbaga, co-exist. Baka nga. There are things we do not like but still are there to either entertain us, or make us stronger. Meron din naman na it means something, para maalala mo, or para matawa ka. It is actually an option, either to think its funny since its ironic, or just plain deadma. =)
(1) I asked She to come with me to enroll in Are this afternoon. She is one of Atty. Porfi's fave (this was claimed by Atty. Porfi himself). I was soo afraid to enroll since I had sabit last semester. We went both today and Saturday, unfortunately last sat, it was Are Law Graduation, so Atty. Porfi was not there. Funny, because today naman, I was expecting Atty. Porfi, malakas ang backup ko, only to see it was Atty. Dave Ballesteros who will do the evaluation, so dapat pala si Anthony ang sinama ko at hindi si she.
(2) She and I were walking down the hallway when I suddenly smell the eewwie smell of dog food. Then when I came home, our house maid told me that chiqui does not have enough food anymore. (Chiqui is my dog)
(3) She and I decided to go to Rockwell para magboy hunting. We were so bored with our lives since it was still vaca, and we are both single (sabi ni she, de facto single lang sha, pero anjan pa din ang prinsipe ng buhay nya, anyway) as we were passing through ayala, we remembered ade and jer being in ayala as well, so we called them and ade (only) decided to meet up with us in glo 4. Hindi pala boys ang nahanap namen, si ade lang pala.
(4) Back when Ade was still in Arellano, she had a rocky relationship with his bf, and She and I had a blossoming romance with our better halves, ngayon baliktad na yata. Si ade na ang may blossoming lovelife, kami ni she, its complicated pa din.
(5) After parking my car at Basement 2 of Rockwell, nagulat ako na pagbaba ko ng car nakita ko yung doctor na sinasabi ni Ate Karen na taga-gatchalian the other night. Namukaan ko sha agad, plus I can recognize him because he was wearing his white coat still, with the MMC logo on it. The other night, she was building this guy up for me, at nagulat ako na he was parked right next to my car.
(6) I am not really sure if Cantinetta is really an italian resto, it seems to me though but the irony in this is that their pasta selection, i'd say, its not that good.
(7) On my way home, a song that should not be heard by me was played on the radio. Ang weird talaga nitong song na to, kasi months ago, twice ko shang hindi sinasadyang marinig, one in SM and one in S&R. Nakakainis, and kanina, i heard it nanaman. Funny si God, nanadya para daw masanay ako. haha.
(8) The other night was much eerie, it was 3am and I was driving home, almost tipsy of laughter, coffee and beer, when I heard over AM ( I was in AM kasi I was listening to the news about Ted Failon) when the DJ announces over the radio that someone wants to greet this certain guy, who exactly has the same name as him. hahha. natawa ako, at ang ironic dun, it was Saturday, 3am, April 18, 2009.
Sometimes, I am not really sure if fate is playing tricks on me wanting me to notice these things so I can get used to it being there. Kumbaga, co-exist. Baka nga. There are things we do not like but still are there to either entertain us, or make us stronger. Meron din naman na it means something, para maalala mo, or para matawa ka. It is actually an option, either to think its funny since its ironic, or just plain deadma. =)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Whats with facebook quizzes?
I am one of the many facebook users who finds ultimate fun in answering facebook quizzes. I get different answers which bores different answers in my mind. Some true, some weird, some ironic and some overly funny. Some actually answered every each of them that it floods the notifications area. =) I find it funny because some people actually believe in it, well in fact, if you've noticed, some surveys; 1) does not relate to the topic, 2) some questions are gramatically wrong, or is misspelled.
The results are even weirder and at some sense different from what we really are, here are some quizzes i took that had funny results;
(1) Edce just took the What Will Your Relationship Status Be in 20 Years? quiz and got the result: Married and Happy..
Married and Happy: Your marriage life may not be all that perfect. But you and your partner will be able to compromise with each other and straighten things out eventually.
If I would be believing this, one there is no partner, and two, more or else, this would what it would be like in a few years for me, "married, but not at all perfect, of course nothing is. "
(2) Edce took the saan mall ka lagi natambay quiz and the result is trinoma
isa sa malalaking mall dito sa pilipinas at isa sa pag aari ng ayala malls! at matatagpuan sa north ave, quezon city at katapat ng sm north! at dahil sa malaki tong mall at nakakapagod lakarin at napakamahal ng mga bilihin dito! at dito ka nararapat dahil kaya mo naman bumili ng mga expensive na gamit! at ikaw ay may kakayahan sa buhay!
Reality check. I have only been in trinoma 3x. One, is with my deranged ex, and the other two, is with kuya edmond, she and anthony during the final exams week. We do our "group study" in Starbucks by Landmark. I guess the most appropriate answer is I am often in glorietta, or in ATC, or in MOA, which is where I really am oftentimes.
(3) Edce completed the quiz "Pinoy Ka Ba Talaga???" with the result Hilaw Ka!.
Logout ka muna sa Facebook at pumunta sa pinakamalapit na fishball stand para mag-merienda. Marami-raming kikiam, squid balls, at penoy ka pang kakainin bago maging ganap na Pinoy. Ano kamo?? Mahina tiyan mo? Sige, mag-Greenwich o Chowking ka na lang. O kaya naman, maghanap ka ng malapit na gotohan o pares-pares (siguraduhing umorder ng extra rice). Pagkatapos kumain, dumerecho na sa SM o Robinson's at pumunta sa record bar; maghanap ka ng CDs ng Imago, Parokya ni Edgar, Eraserheads, o Sugarfree, at pakinggan ang mga CDs ng isang buong araw. Pagkatapos, bumili ka ng VCD o DVD ng "Jose Rizal", "Muro Ami", o "Dekada '70" at mag-movie marathon sa bahay..
Hello! I can eat on a fishball stand, i have gotten to eat pares many times, and listen to Parokya et.al and have watched dekada 70 many times. Its just that, I am not good in tagalog, (weird but I still get confused with kaldero and kawali, and sibuyas and bawang. hehe. ) But Im certainly 100% pinoy, and never a hilaw pinoy!
(4) Edce took the Anu ang papel mo sa barkadahan nyo.. quiz and the result is Leader ng grupo
lahat sila ikaw lagi ang tinatanong, ikaw ang nagoorganize ng mga events, ikaw ang huling nagbibigay ng comment pag may problema, ikaw din ang nagsasabi kung anu ang dapat nyong gawin, isang tawag mo lang sa kanila, siguradong alam nila na matutuloy ang lakad nyo.. Advice: may isa o higit na miyembro ang asar na asar sayo..
This is so not true, most of the time, when I plan something out it does not happen because at many times, I would not be there. hahaha. =) One thing here is true, I always have a comment on any problem. =))
(5) Edce took the "have u met ur true love yet?" quiz and the result is Meant for each other!.
you two r true soulmates! you love each other no matter what, and will stay together forever!
I took this test when I was still with my ex, which apparently did not end up so well, and is not so true, really. =) So i guess in reality, I havent met my true love yet. teeeheee. =)
With the irony of all these, I had received many comments which either affirmed or negate the results. But one thing is for sure, they are all weird, funny and plain hysterical. =)
how abt you, have u answered any weird quizzes lately?
The results are even weirder and at some sense different from what we really are, here are some quizzes i took that had funny results;
(1) Edce just took the What Will Your Relationship Status Be in 20 Years? quiz and got the result: Married and Happy..
Married and Happy: Your marriage life may not be all that perfect. But you and your partner will be able to compromise with each other and straighten things out eventually.
If I would be believing this, one there is no partner, and two, more or else, this would what it would be like in a few years for me, "married, but not at all perfect, of course nothing is. "
(2) Edce took the saan mall ka lagi natambay quiz and the result is trinoma
isa sa malalaking mall dito sa pilipinas at isa sa pag aari ng ayala malls! at matatagpuan sa north ave, quezon city at katapat ng sm north! at dahil sa malaki tong mall at nakakapagod lakarin at napakamahal ng mga bilihin dito! at dito ka nararapat dahil kaya mo naman bumili ng mga expensive na gamit! at ikaw ay may kakayahan sa buhay!
Reality check. I have only been in trinoma 3x. One, is with my deranged ex, and the other two, is with kuya edmond, she and anthony during the final exams week. We do our "group study" in Starbucks by Landmark. I guess the most appropriate answer is I am often in glorietta, or in ATC, or in MOA, which is where I really am oftentimes.
(3) Edce completed the quiz "Pinoy Ka Ba Talaga???" with the result Hilaw Ka!.
Logout ka muna sa Facebook at pumunta sa pinakamalapit na fishball stand para mag-merienda. Marami-raming kikiam, squid balls, at penoy ka pang kakainin bago maging ganap na Pinoy. Ano kamo?? Mahina tiyan mo? Sige, mag-Greenwich o Chowking ka na lang. O kaya naman, maghanap ka ng malapit na gotohan o pares-pares (siguraduhing umorder ng extra rice). Pagkatapos kumain, dumerecho na sa SM o Robinson's at pumunta sa record bar; maghanap ka ng CDs ng Imago, Parokya ni Edgar, Eraserheads, o Sugarfree, at pakinggan ang mga CDs ng isang buong araw. Pagkatapos, bumili ka ng VCD o DVD ng "Jose Rizal", "Muro Ami", o "Dekada '70" at mag-movie marathon sa bahay..
Hello! I can eat on a fishball stand, i have gotten to eat pares many times, and listen to Parokya et.al and have watched dekada 70 many times. Its just that, I am not good in tagalog, (weird but I still get confused with kaldero and kawali, and sibuyas and bawang. hehe. ) But Im certainly 100% pinoy, and never a hilaw pinoy!
(4) Edce took the Anu ang papel mo sa barkadahan nyo.. quiz and the result is Leader ng grupo
lahat sila ikaw lagi ang tinatanong, ikaw ang nagoorganize ng mga events, ikaw ang huling nagbibigay ng comment pag may problema, ikaw din ang nagsasabi kung anu ang dapat nyong gawin, isang tawag mo lang sa kanila, siguradong alam nila na matutuloy ang lakad nyo.. Advice: may isa o higit na miyembro ang asar na asar sayo..
This is so not true, most of the time, when I plan something out it does not happen because at many times, I would not be there. hahaha. =) One thing here is true, I always have a comment on any problem. =))
(5) Edce took the "have u met ur true love yet?" quiz and the result is Meant for each other!.
you two r true soulmates! you love each other no matter what, and will stay together forever!
I took this test when I was still with my ex, which apparently did not end up so well, and is not so true, really. =) So i guess in reality, I havent met my true love yet. teeeheee. =)
With the irony of all these, I had received many comments which either affirmed or negate the results. But one thing is for sure, they are all weird, funny and plain hysterical. =)
how abt you, have u answered any weird quizzes lately?
Monday, March 30, 2009
personality test
i read an interesting link which when i took it, creepy. ung results ako talaga. hhaha. =P
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
http://www.quizbox.com/per
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
I'm never good at anything,
One great thing about the events that passed through my life is that I have spent lots of time thinking. Now, I'd say I used more of my brain than my heart. For the past 24 years of my life, I recalled, I could not think of anything I probably excel in. Like arts, craft, or whatsoever. Anything exceptional for that matter.
And so, I sorta made a list of things I kinda have an idea of doing, but yet did not really put much of my heart into it, thats why I did not excel.
1) I used to play piano as a kid. No really, thats the reason why we have a piano at home. I used to have piano lessons in yamaha, plus I had a piano tutor. As I grew older, I realized that piano wasnt my type. I have short little unflexi fingers that could not press the piano key hard enough.
2) I used to do voice lessons in yamaha. I always dreamed of being a singer someday. I look up to Celine Dion, wherein back in HS, I bought every album of hers and listen to it everyday. I do a mini concert in my room using my brush as a mic. =) But, later in HS, I quit my dreams of being a singer. I dont know, one day, I forgot that I ever want to sing.
3) Back in elem, we had a project where we do cross stitching, I liked it for awhile, but got exhausted because it seemed to me that again, cross stitching was so girly and that I did not like it again. And then I stopped doing so, I knew well however, that cross stitching wasnt my thing. Im not much of a domesticated person.
4) In college, (without any outer influence, promise) I wanted to take architecture or interior design. I love houses, I love looking at fantastic architectural structures and designs, I like seeing the world, I like playing sims (ahhaha), and so on.. yet, I suck at math. Someone told me that architecture and interior design had loads of math. So, I decided not to take it.
5) In college, I took up media production. Most of my mates ace in acting, I dont. I usually go behind the scenes. Though once, I wished to be infront of the cam, yet I know I'm not good at it, so I'll just leave it that way.
6) I'm not good at relationships. By now, everybody knows that. I went against all odds with a person who turned out to be not totally worth it. And I feel such a fool, realizing that on the past 7 years, I thought I was an expert in relationships. (or so I thought because back in college, my friends ask love advice from me) But apparently, I'm not good at it. Ironically, I feel like I suck at it big time.
7) In law school, my study habits never changed. Back in college, I hardly have books to read. The only time I read is when I'm revising my script, or reading the idiot board. I still want to be a lawyer thats why Im in law school, even my attention span is short, and I suck in formal writing.
8) I sometimes suck on being a sister and a daughter, I am not usually there for them, its either, I'm not in the mood, or I'm busy reading my books, or I'm too engrossed with my other problems that I forget that there is them.
9) I sometimes suck being a friend. Its either I dont feel like talking to you, I dont listen to gazillion advice, and all I tell you is my never ending life drama. I guess its my attitude of if I want something, I do everyall to get it.
10) I suck on being me sometimes. I lack self loving, self-satisfaction, self-care. I'm too busy making other people happy, that I forget what Im happy about. O yes, I just figured out, I was never happy. I guess its time to make myself one too.
I have lots of faults in life. I'm sure you have too. I guess I have to find something I'm good at. But hey, while I was doing the list pala, I figured out something I'm good at. I'm good at figuring out I'm not good at anything. =)
And so, I sorta made a list of things I kinda have an idea of doing, but yet did not really put much of my heart into it, thats why I did not excel.
1) I used to play piano as a kid. No really, thats the reason why we have a piano at home. I used to have piano lessons in yamaha, plus I had a piano tutor. As I grew older, I realized that piano wasnt my type. I have short little unflexi fingers that could not press the piano key hard enough.
2) I used to do voice lessons in yamaha. I always dreamed of being a singer someday. I look up to Celine Dion, wherein back in HS, I bought every album of hers and listen to it everyday. I do a mini concert in my room using my brush as a mic. =) But, later in HS, I quit my dreams of being a singer. I dont know, one day, I forgot that I ever want to sing.
3) Back in elem, we had a project where we do cross stitching, I liked it for awhile, but got exhausted because it seemed to me that again, cross stitching was so girly and that I did not like it again. And then I stopped doing so, I knew well however, that cross stitching wasnt my thing. Im not much of a domesticated person.
4) In college, (without any outer influence, promise) I wanted to take architecture or interior design. I love houses, I love looking at fantastic architectural structures and designs, I like seeing the world, I like playing sims (ahhaha), and so on.. yet, I suck at math. Someone told me that architecture and interior design had loads of math. So, I decided not to take it.
5) In college, I took up media production. Most of my mates ace in acting, I dont. I usually go behind the scenes. Though once, I wished to be infront of the cam, yet I know I'm not good at it, so I'll just leave it that way.
6) I'm not good at relationships. By now, everybody knows that. I went against all odds with a person who turned out to be not totally worth it. And I feel such a fool, realizing that on the past 7 years, I thought I was an expert in relationships. (or so I thought because back in college, my friends ask love advice from me) But apparently, I'm not good at it. Ironically, I feel like I suck at it big time.
7) In law school, my study habits never changed. Back in college, I hardly have books to read. The only time I read is when I'm revising my script, or reading the idiot board. I still want to be a lawyer thats why Im in law school, even my attention span is short, and I suck in formal writing.
8) I sometimes suck on being a sister and a daughter, I am not usually there for them, its either, I'm not in the mood, or I'm busy reading my books, or I'm too engrossed with my other problems that I forget that there is them.
9) I sometimes suck being a friend. Its either I dont feel like talking to you, I dont listen to gazillion advice, and all I tell you is my never ending life drama. I guess its my attitude of if I want something, I do everyall to get it.
10) I suck on being me sometimes. I lack self loving, self-satisfaction, self-care. I'm too busy making other people happy, that I forget what Im happy about. O yes, I just figured out, I was never happy. I guess its time to make myself one too.
I have lots of faults in life. I'm sure you have too. I guess I have to find something I'm good at. But hey, while I was doing the list pala, I figured out something I'm good at. I'm good at figuring out I'm not good at anything. =)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Great Realizations
Today, I avoided thinking of the things I should be avoiding, and doing the normal things I could have been doing if I was not so down with this problem. One person that made me realize such is when my brother told me that, "I told you so." Here are some great realizations I learned one the events that happened on the past few months.
1. I should have listened.
On a normal day, I am very stubborn. And its never easy to tell me what to do. Hindi sa nagmamagaling ako, but I do not like to be bossed around, by anyone, by anywho, at anyday. But sometimes, I have to listen because sometimes there are things I dont see and others do. There are some things they realize that I havent figured out.
2. Think.
Its a mind over matter thing. Again, someone way younger than me, that is ironically a person relatively close to him sent me a quote that, love is a state of mind. Love does not denote to the heart, but it is something that we can practically forget, and get over with. Just by putting to mind that Mind is over the heart. Somehow, in which case, I never used my effin brain for a second, so this is what happens.
3. Leave something for yourself.
I guess thats something I should change. Really. Even with friends, I am all out, I am always there. I love friends, I love family. I am always to the rescue. When I love, I love with all of me. I realized its unhealthy, I somehow need to leave something for myself, which is some great love.
4. Not everyone shall appreciate you.
Weird but true. The people who appreciated the sacrifices I did was not the person who I did it for, but the people around him. Weirder is that, he thinks that I never did sacrificed for him. What a shame. But Im pretty sure I did the best for him, because people around him saw I did. And if he does not appreciate it, whatever. God knows what I did, and everyone else knows what I did. Maybe you need some glasses to see it too.
5. Family and friends are still best.
I once was pathetically told that if I could have had sacrificed my family for this person, I could have been with him. Wrong. Imagine, if i left my family to be with him, and he leaves me in disgrace like this, I could have been overly depressed that I wanted to kill myself. But because I have great friends, and ever supportive cousins and family, I am still here standing and writing this realization blog. Btw, that thing he said, I think was selfish. I always have love for everyone around me.
6. Maturity.
Maturity is such a big word. Though it has a definition in the dictionary, the meaning of this word is still vague, and is depending on the person evaluating maturity. You can be mature when you can live on your own, or when you can drive a car, or when you are able to take care of your family. But not exactly. Maturity is how you handle things as an adult. How you deal with a break up, how you heal on your own, how you should be dealing with your ex-gf, how you find yourself to have some healing, and how you patiently wait for the right person to come and not pushing yourself to a person whom you know loves you, but you are not happy with.
7. Happiness.
Happiness is when you find yourself laughing your heart out, without any anger. Happiness is when you can face everyone in this world without angst, or without prejudice. Happiness is when you find yourself overly contented on where you are even without anyone filling the happiness for you. Happiness is when you fall on a deep sleep at night and waking up smiling the next morning, and saying hello world! I'm alive.
8. Moving On.
It is a long journey. The feeling does not go away overnight, nor it will when you fall in love with another person. Moving on means that when one day you see him, and you'll just think he is like any other person you come across everyday. By that time you have achieved such, you already have moved on. Sometimes, we force ourselves to love another so that we can finally achieve the moving on part. But at times, when we find ourselves in the quiet corners of being alone, we find ourselves thinking of the other person who we havent had moved on from. Or later on in our life, we miss this particular person we have once loved, and have enough regrets to ponder on. This means you have not moved on yet, we just forgotten this person for awhile and yet he/she is still there in your heart.
9. No regrets.
Having regrets means you havent moved on. Its the "sayang" stage. But once you have thought that it is the best thing for you, then you finally have moved on.
10. Memories should not be forgotten.
I have conquered alot of fears in the process. For the past 3 months I have been trying to avoid places that we constantly hangout. Ironically, I have been in all those places now. Recently was glorietta, where we were for the past 5 years. I did not held hands with anybody while I was walking in glo, but there was a smile on my face, and peace on my mind that once I held hands with a person while I was walking there, strolling, like any other inlove person. It was the best memory yet. And I will not forget that. It should not be, because in this experience, lessons were learned and though my heart broke into a million pieces, rest assured I will be able to face the world with all confidence once again. Starting today.
I should be a relationship expert now, ei? hahahha!
I should be replacing Dra. Margie Holmes na pla. teehee. =D
1. I should have listened.
On a normal day, I am very stubborn. And its never easy to tell me what to do. Hindi sa nagmamagaling ako, but I do not like to be bossed around, by anyone, by anywho, at anyday. But sometimes, I have to listen because sometimes there are things I dont see and others do. There are some things they realize that I havent figured out.
2. Think.
Its a mind over matter thing. Again, someone way younger than me, that is ironically a person relatively close to him sent me a quote that, love is a state of mind. Love does not denote to the heart, but it is something that we can practically forget, and get over with. Just by putting to mind that Mind is over the heart. Somehow, in which case, I never used my effin brain for a second, so this is what happens.
3. Leave something for yourself.
I guess thats something I should change. Really. Even with friends, I am all out, I am always there. I love friends, I love family. I am always to the rescue. When I love, I love with all of me. I realized its unhealthy, I somehow need to leave something for myself, which is some great love.
4. Not everyone shall appreciate you.
Weird but true. The people who appreciated the sacrifices I did was not the person who I did it for, but the people around him. Weirder is that, he thinks that I never did sacrificed for him. What a shame. But Im pretty sure I did the best for him, because people around him saw I did. And if he does not appreciate it, whatever. God knows what I did, and everyone else knows what I did. Maybe you need some glasses to see it too.
5. Family and friends are still best.
I once was pathetically told that if I could have had sacrificed my family for this person, I could have been with him. Wrong. Imagine, if i left my family to be with him, and he leaves me in disgrace like this, I could have been overly depressed that I wanted to kill myself. But because I have great friends, and ever supportive cousins and family, I am still here standing and writing this realization blog. Btw, that thing he said, I think was selfish. I always have love for everyone around me.
6. Maturity.
Maturity is such a big word. Though it has a definition in the dictionary, the meaning of this word is still vague, and is depending on the person evaluating maturity. You can be mature when you can live on your own, or when you can drive a car, or when you are able to take care of your family. But not exactly. Maturity is how you handle things as an adult. How you deal with a break up, how you heal on your own, how you should be dealing with your ex-gf, how you find yourself to have some healing, and how you patiently wait for the right person to come and not pushing yourself to a person whom you know loves you, but you are not happy with.
7. Happiness.
Happiness is when you find yourself laughing your heart out, without any anger. Happiness is when you can face everyone in this world without angst, or without prejudice. Happiness is when you find yourself overly contented on where you are even without anyone filling the happiness for you. Happiness is when you fall on a deep sleep at night and waking up smiling the next morning, and saying hello world! I'm alive.
8. Moving On.
It is a long journey. The feeling does not go away overnight, nor it will when you fall in love with another person. Moving on means that when one day you see him, and you'll just think he is like any other person you come across everyday. By that time you have achieved such, you already have moved on. Sometimes, we force ourselves to love another so that we can finally achieve the moving on part. But at times, when we find ourselves in the quiet corners of being alone, we find ourselves thinking of the other person who we havent had moved on from. Or later on in our life, we miss this particular person we have once loved, and have enough regrets to ponder on. This means you have not moved on yet, we just forgotten this person for awhile and yet he/she is still there in your heart.
9. No regrets.
Having regrets means you havent moved on. Its the "sayang" stage. But once you have thought that it is the best thing for you, then you finally have moved on.
10. Memories should not be forgotten.
I have conquered alot of fears in the process. For the past 3 months I have been trying to avoid places that we constantly hangout. Ironically, I have been in all those places now. Recently was glorietta, where we were for the past 5 years. I did not held hands with anybody while I was walking in glo, but there was a smile on my face, and peace on my mind that once I held hands with a person while I was walking there, strolling, like any other inlove person. It was the best memory yet. And I will not forget that. It should not be, because in this experience, lessons were learned and though my heart broke into a million pieces, rest assured I will be able to face the world with all confidence once again. Starting today.
I should be a relationship expert now, ei? hahahha!
I should be replacing Dra. Margie Holmes na pla. teehee. =D
On Willie.
We had a family dinner last night in Conti's BF when we saw a showbiz mag having Willie Revillame as a cover. Allegedly, he is going out with the daughter of a popular buena de familia, Rachel Arenas, daughter of Baby Arenas.
This blog is not actually about the biz, its actually how willie is such a lucky individual.
I heard its a rag to riches story. Willie was a former poor boy when the Aquinos strike luck on him. Ow, the luck all right. He was married three times I think, one is with the sister of Maricel Soriano, who I happened to meet sometime last year. Mikee Soriano is my client, he buys his clothes from me for his boutique in Metrowalk, where he had a daughter, Merryl. His second wife, is also a part of a buena familia, Princess Punzalan, and his last wife, a model.
Its cool how Willie becomes some sort of Oprah of the Philippines. Most of his endorsements becomes top of the line consumer products, his TV show, Wowowie is a household name, and even a 3 years old kid, knows the theme song of the show and dances with its tune.
I will never know what his secret is, nor will you. I think he has a sort of anting-anting that makes everything he says come to life.
Our discussion over dinner was, Willie vs. Oprah, Willie vs. Sy, Tan and Ayala and Willie vs. Pacquiao. And so as we heard, Willie purchased a 70 million worth of a yacht wherein he pays for its parking in the club worth Php 100,000 per month. Executives of big companies roughly earn this price, and the glory of without thinking much, he has a yacht worth 70 million.
You see, unlike business tycoons; Sy, Tan and the Ayalas, I'm sure at some point of their business life they have exerted much brain power to get where they are right now. Being a business tycoon is no joke, you have to really exert too much effort to get to the top. Willie on the other hand, though I am pretty sure exerted some effort on getting where he is, roughly exerted equal effort as much as the business tycoons.
Even Pacquiao, who is now enjoying millions of dollars, and is a world-renowned boxer have put his health and life at risk on his sport. I quote, "Bago naman magkapera si Pacquiao kelangan magpasuntok muna sha." On this note, compared to the effort exerted of Willie, Pacquiao would need to undergo so much physical pain just to obtain millions.
Similarly, Willie and Oprah are the most influential people I know on this business. My brother calls her, "Saint Oprah" as anything you do and say against her will aggravate America. These are the 2 people I think who has destiny in favor of them and money written on their palms.
The end of the dinner discussion was, unlike others who have exerted much to get where they are right now, these people need not much to be them. Willie for instance, though I am pretty sure, to get where he is right now, has worked hard for it whereas the others who have worked hard all their lives, cannot buy even a residential home worth a million.
I dont know, some people were just born lucky, or some are there luckily on the right place at the right time.
I wish I will be. Taya kaya ako sa lotto? =D
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
SUMMER FIRST STOP: Catanduanes
Every friend of mine knows I am almost always gone during summers. I love exploring the world. My first love is really to travel. I dream of having my own chartered plane, and going to exciting destinations. I love seeing new places, exploring new things and eating yummy specialties.
This vaca, we kinda decided to stop going across the seas and focus on what we have locally. You see, the farthest I went in the Philippines is Bicol, where my mom is a native of. I memorize Naga by heart. Just like I memorize Paranaque.
This year, Catanduanes is our first stop. It is actually an island about 4 hours from Naga City, Bicol. From Naga, we have to travel (i think) through a ferry boat across the Ocean. It would be my first ferry experience. The only experience I have on crossing the waters is going to Puerto Galera, which is barely, double the distance from Naga to Catanduanes.
Catanduanes is popular for its great beach. You see, Catanduanes waters is the Pacific Ocean. So, if ever, it would be my first walking by the shore of the Pacific Ocean. Love.
I am not fond of beaches, but we'll see what Catanduanes will do to me.
Hopefully, our next stop is davao or cebu. or if we get lucky, Singapore.
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