I pretended to be tough, but it was not enough

I like to rush things. I am impatient. I cannot wait. That is the typical me. I have a pretty weak emotional threshold, I cry easily. I have a tendency to be super sensitive. I hate discomfort, and especially one thing I hate the most, emotional trouble.

I saw some pictures over facebook which I was not supposed to see. Or maybe, I am meant to see, but it was not just the right time. For months now, I choose to be open about my emotional rollercoaster, but yet on some days, I hate it to be showing. On my own, napipikon na din ako for feeling this way many months after, and I especially thought that is quite unfair on my part to be easily forgotten, a few months after a long time of being in a relationship.

On some days I give up and tell myself, "tama na." but on some days, I catch myself driving thinking about all those times, and dropping a tear once again. As much as I wanted to stop thinking about it, I cannot fully. As an elder say it, "tama na yan, move on." It seems so easy to say, but triple time hard to do.

So again for the last attempt, I went off facebook once again. Its actually the easiest solution to everything, taking it out to avoid temptations. Taking it out to avoid his friends. Taking it out to finally put a period on it. FORGET.

So, friends the next time you check your facebook. My name may not appear. Who knows if it would be a permanent or a temporary solution to everything. But as I see it, its the easiest way to get away.

disabled on facebook

For a week now, wild ang mood ko. more than usual, mainit ang ulo ko. Madalas naman talagang mainit ang ulo ko, its more often lang talaga ngayon.

I wont name names, but I hate it when some friend of yours puts you in great trouble. Okay so here it goes,
A couple of months ago, upon admission to Lex Centurion Confraternity I was asked to handle a project, to produce Frat Jackets for the Bar. I think it was about June when I was told they are assigning me for that project. I approached one of mom's long time friend, a person virtually I treated as my second mom, she agreed to do it for me. I became somehow excited about it and started searching online for designs, and having them approved by seniors of the organization. Actually, mahirap pala siya, kasi i have to organize everything. From the designs, sizes and all that. So comes to production, nakakainis kasi i did not know how to do it, i mean, i do not know how from scratch it will end up as a jacket, so mom's friend and I agreed that she will be "producing" it.
So ayun, when I left for Bicol last week, most of the "to-be-assembled" jackets were delivered to her. I talked to her and asked if it was feasible that the jackets will be done by Saturday, or at least half of it. She confidently said yes.
Afterwhich, I went on my vacation in Bicol, following up everyday the status of the jackets. I was never informed that there was a delay of some sort, for I had given my 100% confidence that it will be half done on the weekend.
When I came in from Bicol, I went straight from the airport to school and asked mom to check on it, Before lunchtime, I received a disappointing call from my mom saying that out of the 50 jackets I left to have made, only 2 was done.
I almost collapsed. So anong mukhang ihaharap ko sa mga brods and sis ko ngayon? I was not only frustrated, but more of disappointed because of the fact that a person who I thought was my second mother dared to betray me in such note.
Honestly, now, I do not know how I can ever face her. I have too much hate, just like the hate I had months ago. Nabawasan na nga yung sa isa, dumagdag naman ung sa isa. Sometimes, I ask God if this is a way of him to make me think that not all people I love loves me the same as I do to them. I cannot choose who to love, do you? i mean isnt that a feeling that just comes without warning? I wish one day I could comprehend the terrible losses I have this year. And that, one day, these losses would be rewarded by something great.
Nakakainis actually. Sabi ko nga, who else will God take away from my path? Can they just go now? Para hindi recurring yung feeling, para isahan lang.
I do not blame God for inflicting me this pain. I blame the people who choose to go. I just want to ask him why did they cross my path anyways?
Naiirita kasi ako sa facebook. I do not know, maybe its my mood. I so wanted to be away for awhile so that I would think thoroughly of everything that has happened. Pag sinipag ako, e d maglagay ulit. But for now, its better for me to stay away for awhile.