Pretty much what 2009 was.

I was cleaning up my room as the 2nd term of law school closes when I realized that it is almost time to change my calendar. Time flew so fast that it blew me as a surprise realizing that 2009 was almost over. Its time to move on now, time to change.

I am counting the days til the 21st, mainly because I am preparing for a huge christmas party for my brods and sisses. Since majority of the program is dependent on my creative prowess, I feel that when this event blows, it would be mostly my fault. No one's gonna blame me though, I like lang to make it really something special. Bigla akong nagpause. 21? anong meron sa 21?

Biglang, "ay." wahahhaa. Opposite what happened last year, on december 21st, today I anticipate it to be extra fun- really fun. Shucks, one year na pala yun. December 21, 2008 was one what I would consider a cloudy day of my life. Last year, I was on a Christmas party with my blockmates in Redbox Greenbelt, almost crying, terribly heartbroken. Kaya naisip ko tuloy, 21 nanaman, Christmas party nanaman, dapat ba akong maganticipate ng something to cry on again? Or.. should I celebrate the day I learned to be alone?

What 2009 was for me was a year of pretty much learning to be on my own. On my own to go shopping, go to church.. Basically, one year, when my heart had to stop beating for another, and had to start beating for itself. The year when everything was about me. For the past years, masyado akong selfless, puro sa iba na lang. Its time to be selfish, I wanted to be happy, and I learned how to make myself one.

What I learned in 2009...

1) Going church alone. - I am one of the people sa mundo na hindi kayang tumagal ng walang kausap. I talk a lot. Everybody knows that. alot-lot. Compared before, when I go to church holding hands with another- (they call it simbang labas, hahaha kasi sa labas lang ng andrews) today going to church is going hand in hand with the lord. 1 hour lang un tuwing Sunday na walang ka-share si God sa time ko. I only talk to him and no one else.

2) Go shopping alone. - Well, ginagawa ko naman sha dati. Pero meron akong kasamang matiyaga magshopping with me before. Now, mas maganda pala talaga na ikaw lang. Mas marami kang nakikitang nice for you. Walang nagccriticize ng super short skirt na napili mo. Walang magsasabing ang baba naman ng neckline yan. You get to choose what you want. I get to spend all my money on me. On shoes and clothes I want. Walang ka share. Yey. hahaha! :))

3.) Tumagal sa bahay. - Funny, on weekends, pagdating ko galing school, minsan ako lang at si ate eden sa bahay. My brother will be with his GF, and my mom will be with his boyfriend. Aasarin ako ni ate eden, so ikaw lang ang andito, halatang single. hahaha. :)) Oo, ako lang, bakit ba? Manonood ako ng tv, magbabasa ako kasi may pasok ako sa corpo bukas! hahahha! :)) I learned how to use my time on things that matters most- like corpo, sleeping and watching the news. hahhaa. :)

4.) Maghibernate- Remember late this year, I decided to hibernate from facebook and everyone else. Final stage na yata yun ng recovery ko. Akalain mong ang tagal ng nakasked nung Christmas Party sa 21 e ngayon ko lang naisip na anniversary ko pala un. hahhaa. :)) Pag weekdays, you can find me lang talaga, sa bahay, in my room or sa study room, or sa school, sa OSA, nanggugulo. Yun lang.

5) Gained and realized that I am loved- by my friends. - One of the special things I learned is that I am very much loved by my friends. Thats everyone- Mga kababata ko, katuray, college, iweb, lawschool friends etc. When I was recovering, lahat sila andun para saken. Isang text ko lang pag naiiyak na ako, they all rush to my side. I did not need anyone else to make me feel loved. Sila lang tama masaya na ako. Happy heart, sabi ni kaye. And though I havent seen most of them for the longest time, love ko yang mga yan no. <3 no doubt about it. And I am very thankful for everyone for being part of the process. Madrama man sha, maraming down times, but nonetheless, you are all still there making me feel na hindi naman talaga ako magisa sa world. There's a lot willing to give me love that I deserve. <3

6) The family. - Madalas kong pasakitin ang ulo ng nanay ko 7 years ago, when I decided to fall in love. Pero now, pag merong tao jan, lagi ko nalang cinoconsider na dapat okay kay mommy. Pag hindi, ayoko na. hahhaha. :)) seriously, I grew to be choosy. Ang unang criteria, responsible ba? tapos meron na akong long list of questions sa sarili ko. Tapos pag merong no na isa, will I be willing to compromise it? Okay lang kaya kay mommy? Kay Fugly? Pag alam kong hindi, ah okay. wag na. Bigyan ko man ng problema ang nanay ko sa ibang bagay na lang, wag na jan. hahaha. :)) (Nagsawa din, hahah) And I grew much closer to my little bro. He used to be hmm, some kinda disappointed with me dahil lagi kaming nagaaway ni mommy. Ngayon, magaway man kami, about ourselves na lang, not about other people. Kaya now, alam ko na rin ung mga iba niyang kalokohan sa buhay which before, he never really shared.

7) Myself.- Hindi na ko selfless. hahaha. selfish na ako. :P Yun lang. I got to discover what I want, what I like, what I am really. I got to have more time to focus on law school, to dream of the future, to establish my goals, on my own. Mas maraming time para maging vain. Yun yun e. hahhaa. :)) And last for this list, pag inlove ka, ang important ay yung masaya ka, hindi yung masaya sha. :) Kasi ikaw un e. :)

So far, yung akala kong impossible na mangyari, ay nangyari. Back a year ago, I thought magiging miserable ako. Sabi ko pa nga, dapat bago mag one year meron na akong bago. Kamusta ka, okay naman palang wala muna. Though I miss having someone on my side, I got pretty much successful on being single. :)