I'm never good at anything,

One great thing about the events that passed through my life is that I have spent lots of time thinking. Now, I'd say I used more of my brain than my heart. For the past 24 years of my life, I recalled, I could not think of anything I probably excel in. Like arts, craft, or whatsoever. Anything exceptional for that matter.

And so, I sorta made a list of things I kinda have an idea of doing, but yet did not really put much of my heart into it, thats why I did not excel.

1) I used to play piano as a kid. No really, thats the reason why we have a piano at home. I used to have piano lessons in yamaha, plus I had a piano tutor. As I grew older, I realized that piano wasnt my type. I have short little unflexi fingers that could not press the piano key hard enough.

2) I used to do voice lessons in yamaha. I always dreamed of being a singer someday. I look up to Celine Dion, wherein back in HS, I bought every album of hers and listen to it everyday. I do a mini concert in my room using my brush as a mic. =) But, later in HS, I quit my dreams of being a singer. I dont know, one day, I forgot that I ever want to sing.

3) Back in elem, we had a project where we do cross stitching, I liked it for awhile, but got exhausted because it seemed to me that again, cross stitching was so girly and that I did not like it again. And then I stopped doing so, I knew well however, that cross stitching wasnt my thing. Im not much of a domesticated person.

4) In college, (without any outer influence, promise) I wanted to take architecture or interior design. I love houses, I love looking at fantastic architectural structures and designs, I like seeing the world, I like playing sims (ahhaha), and so on.. yet, I suck at math. Someone told me that architecture and interior design had loads of math. So, I decided not to take it.

5) In college, I took up media production. Most of my mates ace in acting, I dont. I usually go behind the scenes. Though once, I wished to be infront of the cam, yet I know I'm not good at it, so I'll just leave it that way.

6) I'm not good at relationships. By now, everybody knows that. I went against all odds with a person who turned out to be not totally worth it. And I feel such a fool, realizing that on the past 7 years, I thought I was an expert in relationships. (or so I thought because back in college, my friends ask love advice from me) But apparently, I'm not good at it. Ironically, I feel like I suck at it big time.

7) In law school, my study habits never changed. Back in college, I hardly have books to read. The only time I read is when I'm revising my script, or reading the idiot board. I still want to be a lawyer thats why Im in law school, even my attention span is short, and I suck in formal writing.

8) I sometimes suck on being a sister and a daughter, I am not usually there for them, its either, I'm not in the mood, or I'm busy reading my books, or I'm too engrossed with my other problems that I forget that there is them.

9) I sometimes suck being a friend. Its either I dont feel like talking to you, I dont listen to gazillion advice, and all I tell you is my never ending life drama. I guess its my attitude of if I want something, I do everyall to get it.

10) I suck on being me sometimes. I lack self loving, self-satisfaction, self-care. I'm too busy making other people happy, that I forget what Im happy about. O yes, I just figured out, I was never happy. I guess its time to make myself one too.

I have lots of faults in life. I'm sure you have too. I guess I have to find something I'm good at. But hey, while I was doing the list pala, I figured out something I'm good at. I'm good at figuring out I'm not good at anything. =)